Since meeting Shri Param in the fall of 2006 my life has significantly changed. It was not until I met and recognized my own” inner guru that the profound Teachings he offers became real for me. Until that point the thick wall of my unconscious Western programming held the blissful experiences of Para-Tan at arms length, allowing only an intellectualization of the Teachings to ping-pong around my busy brain. Several pivotal encounters helped me realize the role we each play in our own healing and spiritual journey. These experiences highlighted the major pitfalls into which I have spent my entire life falling into, climbing out, falling in, climbing out….you get the picture. With my fast growing friendship and relationship with my inner guru the incredibly debilitating impact that western programming, based on the biblical tenet that “women are the root of all evil and the cause of suffering, has lost its poisonous hold on my soul. The authority with which I share Shri Param’s Para Tan Teachings is based on my personal life experience and the undeniable changes I have made with his loving guidance and skillfully administered insight. When I finally understood how the force of western programming affects our soul, the process of revealing my soul has become synonymous with removing western conditioning and reprogramming my mental attitude to serve my soul rather than my ego. When I first arrived in India I spent about two months uncertain as to whether or not Shri Param was trustworthy, thus I resisted the Teachings. I was a typical spoiled, self-righteous, needy, selfish, ignorant, and arrogant Westerner with my defenses in place and an excuse for everything. Shri Param patiently humored my ego until one special interaction where my behavior was so appalling that he was compelled to teach me a real lesson. Although it was excruciating, miserable, uncomfortable, and humiliating at the time, I look backwards with gratitude that the truth was able to surface like a lotus through the muck of my western super-size-ego. For the first two months of my stay in India I was the only student. Shri Param made me feel like a Queen and I reveled in the luxury of his attention. When his daughter was born the focus of his energy changed towards his family and my selfish neediness surfaced when I became indignant that all of a sudden I perceived I was no longer important as a student and Shri Param became a father rather than a teacher. With this adjustment creating mind demons on a daily basis the time rolled around when an intensive was scheduled and we were expecting another student. Devanayagi told me multiple times that another student would be coming and sharing my room. I was quite used to feeling like a Queen in my own personal cottage and was more than slightly annoyed with the insinuation that I would have to share “my” space. To add insult to injury she had the nerve to imply that “I” was expected to clean the room for her arrival. I waited until the last moment to move my belongings to a convenient space so that several of the local village women who work here could wash the floor. With my nose in the air I went off to Madurai with Shri Param, leaving Devanayagi with her new born daughter to take care of the cottage preparations which I indignantly determined was her responsibility as a hostess. After all “I” was a “paying student” not a “working student”. How dare they suggest I should clean like a housemaid when it is entirely their business? I wasn’t interested in the coming student and she wasn’t my guest so why should I bother to take the extra responsibility on my shoulders? To make it worse there was no direct request that I clean but rather hints dropped here and there that it would be nice. Well, the student at the airport turned out to be an absolutely lovely Austrian lady to whom I still refer fondly. When Devanayagi entered the cottage for a final inspection before our return to the center she got quite a shock when the room was piled with my belongings, including the bed which was set aside for our new student and guest. She made a disgruntled phone call to Shri Param who received it via his cell phone while we were in the car enroute to IFC. He briefly mentioned my inconsiderate behavior and dropped it. Indignant thoughts immediately sprung to mind to “defend my innocence”, expose Shri Param and Devanayagi as taking advantage of me as cheap labor and rudely manipulating or trying to guilt me into doing something inappropriate. When we finally reached IFC and entered the cottage I was insulted to find my belongings “rudely stashed” on the floor in the corners, and the furniture rearranged. I was annoyed that Devanayagi had the nerve to “disrespect my things” by placing them carelessly, and even more disgusted that she had the “impudence” to have waited so long to prepare the room herself, which at that point I still insisted was her responsibility and duty as a hostess. The entire schedule to which I had grown accustomed was again rearranged, which was another annoyance that caused inner grumblings. The next morning class was meant to start at 10 o’clock. When we showed up late I got the shock and lesson of my life, which was only the beginning of two solid weeks of Shri Param absolutely wringing my neck, kicking my butt, and picking me apart in front of everyone and anyone present. Devanayagi’s sister and her partner were also visiting at the time so there were more English speaking people present than usual, to understand his kicking, adding to my humiliation. With the skill and dexterity of an expert bull fighter, Shri Param managed to turn every defense, excuse, accusation and every other possible ego-expression I uttered around so the point went through me like a dull spear, again and again and again. Ouch, I can laugh now but at the time it was anything but funny. While Shri Param was teaching me a real lesson for the first time since I landed, I was simultaneously learning about Shakti power from this beautiful Austrian student who just radiated energy and va-voom. As the weeks passed, having her as a room-mate taught me a lot. She actually took Shri Param’s advice and immediately put it into practice. The difference was evident on her face within a few days. Lines around her eyes disappeared. Even more sparkle and light shone from her smiling eyes and she was constantly full of energy. The grumblings within me made me absolutely miserable and the difference was highlighted by her radiance. This was the true beginning of my learning and the understanding that our thoughts and mental programming make an immediate imprint on our nadis, which are instantaneously evident on our face. From this experience I gained a true understanding of the real meaning of service and love. Love is expansive, giving and sharing. Service is a loving act offered to the divine, which benefits the one doing the serving because it builds the relationship between the soul and the divine within and around. Our western programming definitely does not have this concept and we all suffer from it whether it is conscious or not. As the lessons increased, my inner guru came and went. Sometimes I got the lesson and implemented change which is lasting. Other times I reverted to my Western programming and came up will all sorts of crazy thoughts defending my ego against the soul revealing teachings of Para-Tan. As time goes on, it is easier to maintain the Shakti flow and avoid falling into the familiar pitfalls of ego and mind. It’s an ongoing process, but it really does get easier, and as we surrender the happiness and Shakti flow increases to swell and cascade in bliss. In sharing this experience I hope to save future students the misery and frustration caused by clinging to the ego and negative programming when what we really want is to know, feel, and express love in increasingly expanded dimensions. Awakening and Reclaiming the Goddess within is only possible when we have an understanding and ability to implement her tools, the first of which is humility. Truly, humility and softness are the two most powerful tools of SHAKTI and of woman! I write these words with the hope and intention that my story may allieviate some frustration and prevent the agony we create for ourselves by clinging to the ego. The challenge for most of us raised in the west is that we have no idea how our conditioning affects the toxicity of our inner thoughts, much less the words and actions we express. It is the wisdom of our soul and Inner Guru that leads us to the opportunity to recieve Spriitual Teachings from a Spiritual Teacher lke Shri Param. "The real issue at hand is whether you take the opportunity or miss the boat. If you follow a Master blindly, without thinking for yourself then you are in trouble. The Master is there to hold your hand and take you for a walk but he does not teach you anything. You learn by walking. A Master only interferes when you make a mistake but even then he only watches. Then when you go to him, only then does the Master tell you where you went wrong. You have to be responsible for your life". Maha Kali speaks When we look to others to be the Guru, Goddess, or God we miss out on the opportunity to embody the divine beauty of our own soul qualities. It's something to laugh at now when looking back to see in hindsight how I was indignant that someone else was not up to my high standards, while I behaved implorably. This pattern and tendency manifests itself in smaller incriments on a daily basis when we are unaware of our ego conditioning to place attention on others rather than observe our our thoughts, words, and behavior. Every time we place our attention and judgement externally we create turmoil internally. To learn more about how this affects us read Shri Param's Teaching on Emotional Fitness. The incredible bliss, peace, and love I feel as a result of Shri Param's Teachings is only present because I surrendered first, to my INNER GURU. |
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